Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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