I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
