They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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