I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
