chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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