Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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