I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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