you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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