i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
