it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize