just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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