I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
