i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
