I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
