I think I just saw someone hide a body.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
