Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
