My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
