so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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