Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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