Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
