his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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