the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
