i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
