At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
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Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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