Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
