i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
