drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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