Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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