I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Let's get the cat blown out
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
