Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
