I'm pants shitting drunk right now
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
