I should be sponsored by Trojan
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
