I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
