My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
