physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
