I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
