I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize