the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
