You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
