Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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