You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
