no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
as a side note pls kill me
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
