he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
