Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
