Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
