We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
