Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
