I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
