Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He felt like a one man threesome
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
