the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
