Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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