weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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