I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize