You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
