do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
