so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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