No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
