Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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