honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
