is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
