I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
