what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize