dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
