I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
