In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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