Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
