I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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