that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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